The Carbonated Beverage Blues

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I’m sometimes reminded that carbonated beverages exist. Coke. Sprite. 7Up. Nozz-a-la? Is that one? (Yes).

The last time I thought about carbonated beverages, I struggled to convince myself that coke actually exists.

I once put together a bookfair in a student-occupied university building. Preparing for the event, I moved the makeshift bed of one of the squatters and twenty plastic coca-cola bottles rolled out into the room.

Why would an Anarchist drink coca-cola? That’s about as close as you can get to drinking Capitalism. You are drinking your enemy! That is what your enemy tastes like, and now it’s in your stomach!

Carbonated beverages are addictive, expensive, disastrous for your health, and bad for the environment. If you buy it, Anarchists, you are directly funding one of the biggest and most totemic-of-capitalism companies on the planet.

Step 1 of being an Anarchist should be: withdraw your funding. You can start by not drinking coke.

Step 1 of being an Escapologist is probably: stop wasting your money and eroding your health. You can start by not drinking coke.

If you do nothing else good with your life, stop drinking coke.

It amazes me that anyone drinks coke. You know grown-up drinks like beer and wine exist, don’t you? And tea? And tap water? Bloody hell. Coke.

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About

Robert Wringham is a humorist and the editor-in-chief of New Escapologist.

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